I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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