My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
