Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think a kid would responsible me up
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
