I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
