if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
They are going to name an STD after you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
