Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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