Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
