awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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