Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
