I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
