it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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