I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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