my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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