it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
