We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
