batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
