id be glad to
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
