He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
