theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
