Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
