I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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