dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
