saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
