I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
