break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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