just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
