Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
