i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
