Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
