My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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