Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
id be glad to
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
