I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
