Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
