I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
