I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
