Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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