I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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