Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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