The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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