You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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