I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
