Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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