Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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