You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
that's an acceptable place to lick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
