doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
