I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
