how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
