Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
