At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
