FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
