Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
