I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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