why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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