I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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