since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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