wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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