Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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